10 reasons you wouldn’t want to date Megan Fox after the jump.

She doesn’t flush…

“I’m horrible to live with. I don’t clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. Friends will tell me, “Megan, you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.” — FHM, JUne 2007

Sure, it’s no big deal when your buddy takes a dump and rallys everyone up around the commode to see the impressive masterpiece that he just birthed through his colon. However, it takes on a different dimension of grossness when a girl — or especially a girlfriend — leaves a turd the size of boerie as some sort of stinky, mid-morning surprise when you lift up the seat. Ladies, neglecting to flush is always unsettling…..

 

She farts a lot (and talks about it)…

“If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like — you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on ‘Transformers’ always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.” — GQ, October 2008

 The fact she gets some dutch oven action going on while filming movies is just as disturbing as not flushing.

She doesn’t have a lot (or lies about) her experience in the bedroom…

“I’ve only been with two men my entire life, my childhood sweetheart and Brian [Austin Green]. I can never have sex with someone that I dont love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.” —Harper’s Bazaar UK, March 2010

Most of us snickered back in March when Fox told Harper’s she has only slept with 2 people in her entire life. Whether it’s true or not means two very different things, both of which mean she would be horrendious to date. If she’s telling the truth and has only slept with two people, she may not be as blissful in the bedroom as most of us can dream. If she lied to Harper’s, then she’s a liar. And that’s never a good thing.

If you have a child with her, she’s going to name him Brian…

“I wouldn’t regret [my "Brian" tattoo] if we weren’t together. I can always have a kid and name him Brian. There are options.” —FHM, June 2007

Not that there’s anything wrong with the name “Brian.” It just seems a little freakishly Oedipal that she wants to name her kid after one of the two people she once slept with.

She hates being called “beautiful”…

“I just don’t like being called sexy, it embarrasses me. I’m in a situation where I get lots of compliments all the time. I’m very lucky. People tell me that I am beautiful and that I am sexy all day but I hate it. I don’t know how to react. It’s embarrassing. How would you feel if people called you the most sexy person in the world ALL day? It’s strange, you know.” — People, June 2009

Total crap shoot here: Fox probably prefers being called “beautiful” rather than being called “Ugly as syphilic horse that was rejected by the knackery.”

She’s a loner…

“I could go days, weeks without talking to another human being. I could probably go months and be perfectly satisfied. Easily. It’s the opposite of being needy, but at the same time, I don’t know if I would want to be in a relationship with someone who required as much alone time as I require.” — Allure 2010

“I have no friends and I never leave my house.” —Times of London, June 2009

These quotes make us believe she’s hardly the most exciting person to socially partake in a puff-puff pass session. Her hermetic quest for constant alone time could quickly become a vacuum of self-loathing and pity, which would definitely be a dealbreaker. In other words, she would be a great girlfriend until you get through your DSTV bouquet and OD on popcorn, but that’s about it as far as having a social life.

 

She’s doesn’t know what to think about guys…

“I’m so suspicious of boys-slash-men. I just don’t like them or trust them…. I’ve always gotten along better with boys.” —Elle, June 2009 

Even if she gets along with you, she probably won’t trust you for quite a while.

She hates eating out…

“Putting my mouth where a million other mouths have been, just knowing all the bacteria that you carry in your mouth? Ucch!” — Allure, June 2010

If you work as a Spur griller you might consider this a pro rather than a con. However, most of us enjoy a decadent meal in a restaurant once in a while. In the June issue of Allure, she claims her crippling OCD keeps her from using the silverware when going out to eat. 

She refuses to cook, even for herself…

“I’ll starve to death before I’ll cook for myself. I think I could survive a week without eating.” — Allure, June 2010

Nothing irks a feminist more than bringing up gender stereotypes like cooking and cleaning. Whatever. In this day and age, it’s rare to find a guy who doesn’t cook, even if it consists of a steady rotation of chicken wings, pork chops, and steak on the grill five days a week. What’s the point in being in a committed relationship with someone who refuses to share domestic duties, including whipping up her family’s secret recipe for homemade pasta primavera every other week?  The fact that she refuses to cook for herself makes it even worse, considering most guys past the age of 22 enjoy having a girlfriend who’s self-suffiencent and independent. By the way, if she doesn’t cook and doesn’t like restaurants, what does that leave? A whole lot of Woolies takeout.

She wants to hurt you…

“My temper is ridiculously bad. I’ve had to say to Brian, ‘You have to go and stop talking to me, because I’m going to kill you. I’m going to stab you with something, please leave.’ I’d never own a gun for that reason. I wouldn’t shoot to kill. But I would shoot him in the leg, for sure.” — Rolling Stone, September 2009 

“I think that I’m so psychotic and so mentally ill that if I could tap into that I could do something really interesting.” —Entertainment Weekly, June 2009  

“Before I go onstage anywhere, I take a Xanax now.” —GQ, October 2008